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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25302952">pink peonies</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/monaae/pseuds/monaae'>monaae</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, I promise a happy ending, SIKE, Single Parent AU, Slight Angst?, be prepared, but mostly - Freeform, lots of miscommunication, uhhhhhhh future smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:13:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,744</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25302952</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/monaae/pseuds/monaae</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>after your trashy ex leaves you with sole custody of your baby boy, things take a turn for a worse. your job thinks you’re taking too long to recover, your parents are disgusted at the thought of you being a single mother, and the one friend you thought you had on your side, left you for your ex boyfriend. but when tohoku university offers you a one year teaching job as a biology professor, you’re more than ready to pack up your bags and leave. unfortunately for you, japan has a lot more in store than you asked for. (yes we’re talking about pro volleyball player ushijima wakatoshi)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ushijima Wakatoshi/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>153</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. yellow smiley faces</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi baes &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“ i know this has come up rather quickly.” the voice on the other line says, “but we are ready to accommodate to all your needs. us here at tohoku university are very excited to have you on board, especially with someone of your academic caliber.”</p><p>you smile into the phone, “i was very pleased to receive the offer, and the additional, um, accessories, if that’s what you would call them.”</p><p>the voice laughs, “yes, the new research facility is ready to be used by you miss [l/n]. we are very eager for you to continue your studies here, and it is understood that credit will be under our name correct?”</p><p>“yes.”</p><p>there’s a slight cry on your side of the phone. someone’s just woken up from a nap. </p><p>“i will be sending you an email regarding the details of your position along with some realty websites so you can start looking into some housing offers. and,  it is to our understanding that you have a, uh, child correct?”</p><p>“i do. is that an issue?”</p><p>“n-no of course not! we do have day care centers for our staff and like i said before we are ready to accommodate to any of your needs.”</p><p>“okay, of course.”</p><p>you can almost hear the grin on the other side.</p><p>“ill be in touch, we look forward to working with you.”</p><p>“its been a pleasure.”</p><p>there’s a small tug on your pant leg as soon as you hang up the phone, and the face peering up on you brings a smile to your fast. picking up the little boy you adjust him on your hip.</p><p>“did you have a nice nap baby?”</p><p>he nods, hair still mussed and drool dry on the side of his face. he’s still adorable, who are you kidding, he’ll always be adorable. you want to say he looks like you, that all his cute little features come from you, but you can’t see it. he’s all him.</p><p>-</p><p>4 years ago</p><p>“this is your baby! you can’t just leave! aki listen to me.”</p><p>“i am!” he yells, turning his back away from the zipped suitcase, “there’s no way i can stay, do you know what this could to do to my career? i don’t need another…another inconvenience.”</p><p>you clench your fists. surely a punch is justified in this situation. you’re not even sad, just angry. its crawling through your veins and you pray that the baby inside of you can’t feel it.</p><p>“so thats it. you’re just leaving an inconvenience, three years? they were just an inconvenience?.”</p><p>he has the audacity to sigh before facing you. “yeah.” he spits, “you’re just another inconvenience.” </p><p>and you can hear the remnants of a “should’ve done this earlier..” pass through his lips.</p><p>when he leaves an hour later, you can’t bring yourself to feel anything. </p><p>-</p><p>your son waddles into your room, toys in tow and a blanket hanging off the back of his shirt. he’s still figuring out the whole solid running part, but for now he looks like he’s running through a marshy field than making his way across carpet. </p><p>“m all done.” he says proudly, plopping down on your floor.</p><p>“oh yeah?” you lift him onto your bed while you finish folding your clothes up, “ready for our adventure?”</p><p>he nods enthusiastically this time, “im ready! ready, ready, ready. we’re gonna go on a plane!”</p><p>you let yourself fall back onto your mattress, “we are going on a plane. you have your toys packed for the plane too?” </p><p>he crawls over to you, laying himself flat on your stomach.</p><p>“m ready, all packed mommy.”</p><p>-</p><p>3 months ago</p><p>“–unfortunately that is our current situation, and it’s why we have to let you go. believe me if we could we would continue to have you on our surgical team and fund your research but–”</p><p>“save it.” you interrupt, lifting yourself off your seat, “you don’t have to lie to me. i don’t want you to lie to me. tell me the truth, because you know damn well im the best doctor in this entire hospital”</p><p>the chief sighs. “we are concerned about your emotional state. you’ve taken days off-”</p><p>“that i have made up, the amount of surgeries i’ve successfully completed and my hours in the lab have not faltered once, im sure that my emotional state has nothing to do with that.”</p><p>the man in front of you pinches his eyebrows.</p><p>“we just cannot keep you on. that is the end of the discussion”</p><p>he straightens his paper on the desk. “if it is worth anything to you, this was not my decision.”</p><p>you suck in a sharp breath.</p><p>“its been a pleasure dr.[l/n]</p><p>-</p><p>NOW BOARDING FLIGHT 510 TO SENDAI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT</p><p>SECTIONS A, B, AND C</p><p>the speakers boom above you. </p><p>“mommy that’s us!” akio cries, pulling on your hand. you pull out your tickets and tug on your carry on onto your shoulders,, one hand on your luggage the other in your baby’s hand.”</p><p>“have a wonderful flight ms. [l/n]” the flight attendant chirps.</p><p>akio smiles at the lady and you wonder what he’s thinking; almost jealous of your sons naivety. you cant help the sourness in your chest, but then akios squirming his way over you onto the window seat, his eyes bulging at the sight of the runway and the sourness dissipates. </p><p>you’re ready for this. </p><p>or at least you hope you are.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. creme colored coffee</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“mommy!”</p><p>your son bounds up to your new bed, tugging the sheets to pull himself up. blearily you rub your eyes, opening them to the sight of your son staring right back at you.</p><p>“good morning!”</p><p>you tackle him in a hug, pulling him tightly against your chest and you can hear his laugh reverberating through you.</p><p>“i cant breathe! mommy help!” akio giggles. you smile down at his peeking eyes,</p><p>“its your punishment for waking me up so early!”</p><p>your words only draw a louder laugh from him. he hums against your collarbone, snuggling up underneath you. you’re pretty much all moved in save for a few boxes. it’s not much, your new house, but it’s a lot better than the cramped apartment back home, you can’t think of a reason why you bothered to stay.</p><p>but your new house already feels better, with its small front yard and decently sized backyard, you’re lucky you were able to find something like this. you son seems to be in love with it too, the first day you arrived he spent hours exploring the place.</p><p>“mhm hnfyr”</p><p>“what was that?”</p><p>akio looks up at you, lips pouting. “im hungry.”</p><p>your lips quirk up in a smirk. you shouldn’t do it, you really–</p><p>“hi hungry im mom.”</p><p>your son wails in disgust, you’re not quite sure if its because you didn’t say “okay let’s go eat.” or if its because he actually understands the joke, either way, you’re laughing.</p><p>-</p><p>you’re gripping the steering wheel tighter than you need too. you can’t help it, first day, first semester, new school. although this time you’re on the teaching side. you have your bag, your lunch, students don’t receive any work today because well, it’s the first week. (and you’re department head told you not to worry about it)</p><p>behind you your son is quiet, just gripping his little backpack (that hangs too big off his tiny shoulders and practically eats him up in the most adorable way) and cartoon volleyball plush with little hands on its side.</p><p>“ are you nervous baby?”</p><p>he nods quietly, “ a little.”</p><p>you don’t blame him.</p><p>“mommy’s gonna visit you at lunch okay? just gonna check up on you. you have your bento?”</p><p>he nods again. biting your lip, you turn around to your son.</p><p>“i love you akio.”</p><p>“i love you too mommy.”</p><p>-</p><p>“dr. [l/n]!”</p><p>you’re in the middle of your break when someone calls you from down the hall. you recognize the woman as, well, the only other woman teaching in your department. </p><p>“oh thank god i caught you! i’ve been wanting to talk to you all day but, you know, classes.”</p><p>you nod. “it’s nice running into you professor hirugami. i’m looking forward to working with you.”</p><p>she laughs. “please drop the formalities, as the only two women in the department i’d like to think we could become friends.”</p><p>the thought a friend strikes a chord in your chest.</p><p>you smile back, “i’d like that very much.”</p><p>a good chord.</p><p>-</p><p>you’re going to throw up.</p><p>“are you kidding me?”</p><p>the female voice on the other side sounds annoyed at your question, like your bothering her, like you’re the one bothering.</p><p>“no, sorry, i’m not kidding.”</p><p>“mama?” your son calls from the other side of the room, he’ s just barely turned two and oh he’s still so small. </p><p>“give me a second baby.” you reply, holding your hand over the speaker. he gives you a thumbs up, or what he thinks to a thumbs up - he’s trying his best.</p><p>“you’re leaving? with him?”</p><p>“look i’m sorry if you’re not grown up enough to deal with this–”</p><p>“you’re leaving, no, sorry, you’re eloping with my ex-boyfriend who left me pregnant alone-”</p><p>“he’s changed!”</p><p>“if he’s changed then why doesn’t he take responsibility for this?”</p><p>“you’re the one who decided to keep the damn thing.” she snarls back.</p><p>and then you’re stuck. she’s your best friend, was, your best friend. should you have seen it coming? the betrayal? i mean you’ve only seen this type of stuff in movies. you can’t say anything back, the malice in her voice is enough for you to hang up the phone.</p><p>“mama?”</p><p>you rush to your sons side, “sorry baby, mommy was busy. what is it?”</p><p>he holds up the volleyball plush one of your coworkers had given him.</p><p>“play?”</p><p>-</p><p>“akio is absolutely adorably [l/n]”</p><p>you don’t hide your smile. “thank you, he seemed pretty enamored with you too.”</p><p>your coworker squeals in delight, “forget lunch with the department, i’m joining you two from now on.”</p><p>laughing, the two of you make your way back to the science building. you know akio’s okay, you know that, he even told you about the new friend he made, how he loves volleyball too. his teacher had even told about how well he was adjusting, even complimenting his japanese - yeah the pride bubbled up when she told you that - you were the one who taught him. </p><p>“do you have any kids hirugami - san?”</p><p>when the woman doesn’t respond immediately you start to panic.</p><p>“i didn’t mean to intrude, -”</p><p>“oh you’re fine!” she returns rather cheerfully, “my husband and i aren’t really trying for kids right now.”</p><p>your mouth forms an ‘o’ shape at her words.</p><p>“what does your husband do?”</p><p>a grin immediately slides onto her face.</p><p>“he’s actually the captain of the schweiden adlers? the pro volleyball team?</p><p>you vaguely remember hearing about them on tv and it shows on your face. had akio mentioned them before?</p><p>“ah don’t worry if you don’t know, i know you’re new to the area.”</p><p>you raise your eyebrows at her response, “oh, do they practice around here?”</p><p>her smile is almost mocking, no, mocking isn’t the right word.</p><p>“i can’t wait to show you around.”</p><p>-</p><p>“–and then murata-san said that he likes to play volleyball too! and that my japanese was really good! so i told him my mom taught me and he said it was really really cool!”</p><p>your happiness is practically bursting out of your chest at this point. as he talked about his day and how everyone thought his bento was soooooo cute - he made sure to look at you when he said that - the tension in your jaw relaxed and your hands eased on the steering wheel. the worrying weight of whether or not your son was doing okay was finally lifted.</p><p>he’s practically bouncing out of his seat, “ i can’t wait to go back!”. </p><p>you chuckle at his words.</p><p>when you two get home he’s the first one to the front door, and when you finally catch up you find him staring at the little potted plant in your doorway.</p><p>“it hasn’t grown yet.” his voice wobbles. you squat next to him, patting the dirt.</p><p>“pretty things take time to grow baby, we only planted it yesterday.”</p><p>his bottom lip juts out and the grip on his backpack tightens. you prepare yourself for a sharp wail, </p><p>and then he breathes out, undoing his actions from seconds ago.</p><p>“oh, okay. i’m hungry now.”</p><p>you don’t know whether to laugh or cry because when did your son seem so grown up already? managing his feelings like that? so instead you deal with the immediate issue at hand, </p><p>“wanna go out to eat tonight? to celebrate?”</p><p>his face lights up like that, as if the plant problem hadn’t even existed.</p><p>“can we get sushi? i already had a sandwich and grapes, and i finished allllll my lunch! i finished my food like a good boy!” he announces proudly as you make your way into the house. </p><p>you hum.</p><p>“anything for you baby”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. blue waves</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>nice kill ushijima!” the captain shouts, clapping him on the back. the rest of his teammates give him an acknowledging nod, a few “nice one”’s and high fives sent his way. he makes his way toward the bench, grabbing a water bottle out of the carrier. besides him the captain laughs, </p><p>“my wife.” he says grinning, “she’s going to come visit later.”</p><p>ushijima tries to ignore the stars and hearts forming around his captains aura, or the way sparkles shoot out of his eyes when he texts back a response. but before he can catch himself staring kageyama comes up behind up, </p><p>“ushijima - san how was that toss?”</p><p>-</p><p>akio wont stop jumping. </p><p>“akio.” </p><p>he only giggles in reply, “get out of bed already—- i wanna go see!”</p><p>burying your head under the pillow you groan. you really don’t know where your son gets all this energy. you could sleep 12 hours and still be exhausted. but you can’t even bring yourself to be bothered, not when akio starts to snuggle into your side, his soft breaths fanning your cheek.</p><p>“can we eat now mommy?”</p><p>and you melt.</p><p>-</p><p>“are you sure this is okay hirugami - san?”</p><p>the older woman laughs, “you’ve asked me this like five times [l/n], i already told you it was fine. and besides, akio looks so excited” she pouts. “and i told you misaki is fine”</p><p> its’s true, he’d been bouncing around all day. miskaki had called you that morning asking if you were free and then immediately invited the both of you to her husbands teams practices. the schweiden askers (you may or may not have done extensive research on the team, you just told yourself it was for akios enjoyment) luckily you didn’t have any scheduled classes to teach so the two of you had been able to stay home (and keep his energy focused on planting new flowers in the front yard). the three of you were walking into the gym, akio skipping in front of you, and of course, his plush in tow. </p><p>she led the both you of behind the court and up the stairs,</p><p>“akio come on” you started, but akio was still, absolutely starstruck staring at the players moving on the court. his little hands were shaking and behind you hirugami laughed, “come on, let’s go take our seats.”</p><p>-</p><p>if you asked ushijima wakatoshi what the first thing he noticed about you was, he would say it was the toddler leaning off your lap and staring back at him. that and the fact that the boy on your lap had the same volleyball stuffed toy both he and kageyama had once had (bright red, black eyes, and white gloves) that practically defined his entire childhood. then, he would say the second thing he noticed about you was your eyes. even from the court he was drawn to those old soul eyes of yours that looked like they had seen too much too fast. eyes that were decorated with soft dark circles that he was drawn to way too quickly for his liking. </p><p>“oh. i had that toy growing up.” </p><p>ushijima jolts, unaware of how long he had been staring glancing at you. the team was taking a quick break and he had found himself on the bench, looking at the three persons in the stands above.</p><p>he nods at kageyamas words. (kageyamas sister had visited once and insisted on showing the team all of the setters baby pictures)</p><p>“who are they anyway?” the younger asks, taking a seat besides him. ushijima shrugs, he knows the captains wife, but he doesn’t know who you are and he doesn’t really want to deal with answering a question he doesn’t know the answer too. </p><p>“oy, what are you doing staring at my wife?” the other hirugami-san jests playfully, coming up behind them. ushijima chuckles at kageyamas reaction.</p><p>“i’m, we’re, n-not”</p><p>“im kidding kageyama.”</p><p>the younger blushes, ducking away from the other two.</p><p>“that’s [l/n] - san.”</p><p>“i’m sorry?”</p><p>he gestured toward the stands.</p><p>“the other woman and her son. she’s teaching in the same department as misaki.”</p><p>“oh, i see.”</p><p>“yeah,” the captain sighs, “she’s only 23 too! but she’s already a professor, that’s pretty crazy.”</p><p>you’re only 23? he refuses to let himself think about how young you must’ve been when you’d gotten pregnant, or how you managed to be a professor at one of the top universities in Japan at such a young age. you’re smiling at something misaki-san has said and your son’s eyes are still darting around, when they land on ushijima, they crinkle up into a smile. </p><p>so he waves.</p><p>if he hadn’t gotten up so soon, he would’ve seen your son drag your attention to the court where the ‘really big’ player had waved hi, but when he did turn around, he definitely saw the small blush that washed over your face when you made eye contact. </p><p>-</p><p>“i’m going to be a setter!” akio announces when you two exit the building. hirugami, no misaki - san had stayed behind, waiting for her husband to wash up. </p><p>“oh yeah?”</p><p>he nods, furrowing his eyebrows and glaring at the street in front of you guys. “i’m going to the best setter. even- even better than kage-yan-?”</p><p>“kageyama.”</p><p>“better than kageyama-san!”</p><p>you chuckle at his words and the look of absolute determination on his face. “ah, then you should start practicing then huh.”</p><p>he beams, going off about how he absolutely needs a volleyball and how murata-san’s going to spike it so hard, all while flailing around the toy in his hands. </p><p>you take a mental picture.</p><p>“[l/n] - san!</p><p>the both of you freeze. behind you misaki and her husband come jogging up. after brief introductions and an awkward interaction between akio, hirugami-san, and akio’s hair, the conversation starts to flow.</p><p>“oh! i almost forgot!” misaki’s husband starts, “can i introduce you to someone [l/n]-san? i know you’re new in town.”</p><p>blushing a bit, you nod. you only realize after that the only people around that he could possibly introduce you to were pro volleyball players, akio must sense something because the grip on your pant leg tightens.</p><p>“ushijima! let me introduce you to someone!”</p><p>and you freeze. </p><p>-</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. green polka dots</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“mommy you’re gripping the steering wheel too tight again.” akio chides from the back seat, swinging his legs back and forth off his car seat. “don’t be mad”</p><p>you sigh, glancing back at your baby boy, “im not mad baby.”</p><p>“embarrassed?”</p><p>you scoff, a little shocked he remembered the word you had taught him a week ago. “no my love im not embarrassed.”</p><p>but you are. </p><p>-</p><p>“ushijima this is [l/n] - san, she’s the new addition to misakis department. i mentioned you to her earlier.”</p><p>the broad man in front of you gives no reply, only glancing your way and giving you a short nod. not even a smile? you think to yourself. its not like he needs one though. wide shoulders, defined arms AND thighs, soft olive eyes that you would love to get lost in. misaki clears her throat and you realize they’ve been waiting for you to introduce yourself, had you really been so distracted?</p><p>“a-ah [l/n] [y/n], i teach biology at tohoku university, biology professor, i teach biology.” you stammer out, and you can see misaki gently lowering her face into her palm. the horribly embarrassing encounter is enough to send a pit of dread to your stomach. </p><p>you cough into your elbow, attempting to avert the conversation elsewhere. “um, this is my son, akio.” you say nudging the boy on your leg. but of course the one time your son shies away from a new friend, its now. he mutters something unintelligible against your leg and curls his fist around the cloth.</p><p>“what was that?” misaki asks, bending down to his level.</p><p>your son looks up, then down, glances towards ushijima and then looks misaki in the eyes, “i like setters better.”</p><p>you gape at his response and the face misaki makes is priceless.</p><p>“im so sorry for–”</p><p>but captain hirugami laughs. “ushijima ive never heard someone be some blunt with you before!”</p><p>and then ushijima smiles down at your son. “setters are the most valuable players in the game.”</p><p>“im going to be the best one.” your son quips back, bottom lip jutting out. </p><p>the ace extends his hand and your son matches him. “i can’t wait to see it.”</p><p>-</p><p>tossing his bag aside ushijima stepped inside his apartment threshold. </p><p>“a-ah [l/n] [y/n], i teach biology at tohoku university, biology professor, i teach biology.”</p><p>he shook his head (as if that could get the sight of your small blush out of his head) and sighed. he wasn’t going to lie to himself you were absolutely beautiful. captain hirugami had already called him out several times for stealing glances at you during practice, but truly he couldn’t help himself. ah that sounded a bit, </p><p>he snapped out of his head, making his way to the bedroom while pulling his shirt off, he really had to stop this. i mean it was probably a one time thing he thought to himself, it’s not like you were going to be there every practice. which was good! he was japans canon, and japans canon didn’t need a distraction from practice. </p><p>maybe he wanted one though</p><p>-</p><p>“don’t.” you say once you see misaki making her way into the lecture hall. </p><p>“i love your son, adore him, please let me adopt him.”</p><p>groaning you sip at your thermos, your face still flushed red from last nights events. you didn’t even do anything dirty! how long since you had seen a man like that though, and he got along so well with akio you–</p><p>“stop daydreaming about domestic life with that blunt brick.” misaki laughs into her mug.</p><p>“im not!”</p><p>“you totally are!” she shouts, “you’re 23 years old and you have the mind of at least a 35 year old woman with no lover.”</p><p>“hey! …why at least 35? im at the peak of my life right now!”</p><p>the both of you are laughing now and bubbles of air from her laugh are spilling onto the coffee cap.</p><p>“you know he was staring at you…” she mumbles just loud enough for you to hear. “…the entire practice.”</p><p>“he was not.”</p><p>“not according to my loving faithful honest husband.” she sighs, “shame…is my husband a liar now too?”</p><p>“ i have a son.”</p><p>“you also have a life.”</p><p>you leaned back on your desk chair. the last time you had fallen for a man who seemed too perfect you’d ended up nineteen and pregnant ; and you had known him for months before getting together. how long had you known ushijima? 10 minutes?</p><p>“i bet he thought about you when he got home.”</p><p>“shut up!”</p><p>-</p><p>“i changed my mind!” akio announces, kicking off his shoes and heading to his plants. oh to be a four year old again, only worried about plants and picking up your shoes. </p><p>“about what?”</p><p>“my favorite player is ushijima - san!”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. gold gradients</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>ou came back to practice the next day and the day after that, and then it was like seeing you at practice was normal. akio skipping in front of you volleyball plush in tow, you sitting with misaki in the stands. then after practice, you’d hang around for a bit, letting akio run off with kageyama who (surprisingly) had taken a liking to the young striving setter, but ushijima thought that it was mostly because akio reminded him of someone else. </p><p>and sometimes, your eyes would meet his and sometimes hirugami would invite him over to your group of three and sometimes you’d talk about your students and how you can’t wait until they open the lab again and your eyes would crinkle and he thought it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. or when akio would climb up his leg and you’d apologize but to him it was fine. it was akio, the next super setter who loved to watch ushijima play, and he was your son, of course, it was fine. </p><p>but he didn’t have feelings for you, of course he didn’t.</p><p>he felt something towards you, but they weren’t feelings. he knew how feelings worked, there was maemi very briefly in high school and rini two years ago. he was pretty sure there were feelings back then, and they didn’t feel like the ones he had now. </p><p>yeah, they definitely weren’t the same.</p><p>-</p><p>misaki screeched.</p><p>“no. way. seriously, come on you can’t miss the first game of the season.” she whined, “the lab will be there on monday you can wait! think of akio, how heartbroken–.”</p><p>you held your hand up.</p><p>“first off, we don’t have tickets as it is. and akio already knows i’m busy this weekend and that he’s going to be at daycare.”</p><p>misaki scrunched her face at your words, “obviously you wouldn’t need tickets, and does akio even know any of the kids from saturdays daycare?”</p><p>“well, no.” you sighed, “but we’ve already talked about this.”</p><p>“then let me and fukuro take care of him! we can take him to the game and drop him off after! you know he’d love it.”</p><p>it wasn’t like you didn’t trust misaki. but you’d never let anyone really take him out. would it be so bad though? he already got accustomed to calling the hirugami’s auntie and uncle.</p><p>in front of you misaki cheered.</p><p>“oh my god i haven’t even made a decision yet.”</p><p>she grinned, “no but you made the exact same face when you let the kids do extra credit on the midterm.”</p><p>-</p><p>ushijima had never seen you like this before.</p><p>“–and you stay with auntie okay? you never let go of her hand you go with her everywhere, promise?”</p><p>akio nodded and stuck his pinky out, “promise.”</p><p>your eyebrows were furrowed and he could see you biting the inside of your lip as you son took misakis hand and entered the gym.</p><p>“[l/n]” he heard himself saying, “akio will be okay with us. even when the game starts he’ll be sitting near us. i, we’ll take care of him.”</p><p>you stared blankly at his face.</p><p>oh, had he said something wrong? was it weird to say, </p><p>“thank you ushijima-san.” you responded, blushing a little. “i know you will.”</p><p>there really shouldn’t have a bolt of lightning zipping through his heart.</p><p>-</p><p>over the course of the next couple hours misaki had sent you photos of them during warmup. one of akio staring intently at the court, another of him smiling at the camera, and oh. the last one, made you laugh a little. it wasn’t a photo, but a video of akio talking to ushijima, his arms spread out wide accentuating his words and then like it was the easiest thing in the world the man had scooped him up into his chest and it had sent akio keeling in laughter.</p><p>and then underneath the video, “hmmmm akio and the super built amazing sexy ushijima wakatoshi are getting along quite well.”</p><p>you scoffed, ignoring the message (but saving the video). pulling the goggles off of your face you stepped back from your workspace, almost admiring the view that would let anyone know that someone was doing very, very important work here. you stepped out of the lab, taking a seat on the bench outside and kicking off your shoes, letting your mind wander.</p><p> did akio want a dad? he had never asked about it before, why there were only two of you. was he scared to ask? you groaned out loud, the birds near by flitting off in surprise. but was it too late for you? to love someone meant ripping open year old traumas, and the last time you’d done that…your lover had eloped with your best friend and left you 19 and pregnant. had it really been four years since, nope nope, you didn’t need to unpack all that yet. </p><p>feelings could wait.</p><p>physical attraction however…there was no lying. ushijima was objectively handsome, hot even. you had seen the ads for the japan national team, it wasn’t your fault the uniform was so tightly fitted to his broad chest.</p><p>you were 23! these thoughts were probably fine, healthy even. its not like they were emotional.</p><p>or so you thought. </p><p>-</p><p>when you arrive at the gym the crowds have mostly dispersed. adler fans flaunting the “easy” win, and whatever the other team was leaving in a disappointing loss. but other than a few fans the gym is mostly empty. </p><p>“mommy!”</p><p>you whipped around, smile spreading as your son sprints towards you. kneeling down you physically prepare yourself for the ball of straight energy coming at you. wrapping your arms around him you plant a kiss on his forehead. but when you look up, it isn’t misaki who’s taken your son out to greet you.</p><p>“u-ushijima - san.”</p><p>the figure of pure muscle in front of you nods slightly, “hirugami-san is waiting for the captain in the locker room but akio saw you walking into the gym and insisted on saying hello.”</p><p>you open your mouth to respond but akio beats you to it.</p><p>“ushijima-san scored the most points today! he said i was good luck.”</p><p>you cant help the full fledged grin on your face when you look up to see japans cannon blushing because of a four-year-olds words. </p><p>“is that right?” you tease, “guess that means we’ll have to keep coming back huh?”</p><p>akio nods furiously, “and then ushijima-san will win everytime!</p><p>out the corner of your eye you can see ushijima turning away, tips of his ears reddening quickly.</p><p>standing up, you take akios hand in your own. “tell me more in the car okay?”</p><p>and in a moment of courage? is that what its called. you turn toward the man who’s been plaguing your mind all day,</p><p>“thank you ushijima-san. i cant wait to hear what happened during the game.”</p><p>for the first time in four year you can feel your face lighting itself on fire.</p><p>“[l/n], will you be at practice on monday?”</p><p>you turn, nodding your head.</p><p>“is it okay if i give you something?”</p><p>your heart drops down to your stomach, and not finding the words to say “you could give anything to me.” you nod.</p><p>“then have a good night.”</p><p>“yeah you too.”</p><p>you look down at your son who looks just as confused as you are. </p><p>“mommy lets go eat.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. apricot aisles</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>in your four years as akio’s mom you prided yourself on the fact that he’d never gotten lost. it was always the two of you next to each other at all times, his chubby fingers gripping yours as you made your way through the city. but of course, all good things must come to an end you suppose.</p><p>“akio!” you hissed loudly, making your way through the grocery aisles. of course you had lost him in a grocery store, of course. you wracked your brain for any possible explanation as for why he would decided to run off now, here of all places. could he have gone to the fruit section? he had mentioned his desire for grapes earlier but–</p><p>you jolted at the scene in front of you. </p><p>“akio!”</p><p>your son turned around, giggling. he was being hoisted up in the air by what were probably the biggest biceps in the world, reaching for the grapes on the top shelf.</p><p>“i found ushijima - san! he was getting grapes too, i was gonna tell you but then i couldn’t find you and you said if that ever happens i should find a trusted adult and–”</p><p>you couldn’t find words sufficient enough to coherently describe whatever you were feeling. here you were at the grocery store, akio in ushijimas arms, shopping together for groceries. what were you supposed to say? it’s killing you.</p><p>ushijima looks too good to just be shopping at the grocers, his broad shoulders stretch the fabric of the t shirt and you’d hate to be the stitches holding it together. ah, you were thirsting over a man in the fruit section of the grocery store, how lovely.</p><p>ushijima lets akio down, gently placing the four year old on the floor. </p><p>“thank you ushijima - san,” you sighed, “i’m really glad he ran into you.”</p><p>wakatoshi only nodded, “he was looking for you, it that helps. we just both happened to be in the fruit aisle.”</p><p>you think about a solid thirty seconds of you and ushijima awkwardly staring at each other pass, the both you struggling to find the right way to end the conversation or say your goodbyes, (did you really want to though?) when akio breaks the silence.</p><p>“can ushijima-san come shopping with us?” he pleads, tugging at your shirt. “he’s really tall! and last time you couldn’t reach the top shelf and you had ask a stranger for help!”</p><p>scarlet spreads across your face in record time. you love your son you really do, but his ability to just speak whatever’s on his mind is astonishing. he’s the force pulling this entire situation together and you can’t figure out how he’s done it.</p><p>you’re about to say no, not because you don’t want ushijima there, but because you’re not sure what you would do if the three of you continued to shop. together you might add.</p><p>but you don’t have to answer because </p><p>“i’d love to help.” comes rolling out of ushijimas mouth. </p><p>-</p><p>it was supposed to be grocery shopping. it was only supposed to be grocery shopping. you’re not complaining though, not when ushijima wakatoshi is in your kitchen working on a demi-glace sauce while you check on the rice.</p><p>“akio-kun do you like mushrooms.”</p><p>you’re son nods enthusiastically, “i love mushrooms! they’re my favorite!”</p><p>you know for a fact that akio has tried mushrooms once and he hated them, so much so that he wouldn’t even eat the part of the pizza where the mushrooms had been picked off. </p><p>although, to a four year old, you could understand how hard it would be to say no to vegetables with the mountain of a man in front of you. </p><p>“ushijima - san you really don’t have to do this.”</p><p>his hands pause over the pan, “i know, but, my mother taught me good manners and it’s really not a bother. i enjoy making hayashi rice.”</p><p>if this was a slice of life manga you’re absolutely sure there would be hearts and stars around your eyes because you can’t think of the last time someone even bothered to cook for you, much less a man. </p><p>when you turn to akio your chest tightens at the way he looks at ushijima. the admiration is overflowing, even when the 6′2 man is wearing the purple apron that akio had picked out at the grocery store.</p><p>you love it. </p><p>-</p><p>“ushijima - san is the best chef!”</p><p>ushijima blushes at the bout of praise and he can see the way your eyes crinkle at your sons words. dinner at your house hadn’t been intentional, the three of you were only going to grocery shop together because he was tall and could reach the higher shelves. </p><p>well, that wasn’t intentional either. </p><p>it was strange though, were the quality of the spices at your place better? </p><p>“it is really good ushijima - san,” you mused, “you’ll have to give me the recipe sometime.”</p><p>“ah, there is no recipe.”</p><p>that was a lie. there was, but he couldn’t figure out why the dish had tasted different now, did he do something different? it wasn’t a bad change, just strange.</p><p>“you know it all in your head?” akio said, leaning closer, “that’s awesome!”</p><p>ushijima watched you laugh at your sons words and wipe the bit of demi-glace off of his chin. your hands looked worn, tired, and he couldn’t stop staring at the tiny mole on your finger. or maybe he couldn’t just stop staring at you hands. it irked him to know why. </p><p>-</p><p>oh. he wanted to hold them.</p><p>-</p><p>“i’m sorry there is no recipe to give you.” ushijima stated simply as the two of you made your way to the porch. the sun had started to set and akio falling asleep was a big enough excuse for the man to leave.</p><p> you chuckled lightly, “don’t worry about it! it just means i have an excuse to call you.”</p><p>you blanched at the words that clearly you did not think about before saying them. </p><p>“no, you can’t”</p><p>oh shit.</p><p>had you pushed too far? you hadn’t meant to push at all. akio would never forgive you if scared ushijima off. </p><p>“you don’t have my number.”</p><p>you blinked twice. </p><p>“i–”</p><p>he pulled out his phone, opening a new contact window and handing it too you. silently you filled in your information </p><p>‘ [l/n] [y/n] ‘</p><p>would a happy face be too much?</p><p>you decided against it and gave the phone back. </p><p>“i’ll call you.”</p><p>those three words sent your heart racing, why did they sound like you had just been on a date? not to mention the fact that the apricot sunset had left the most beautiful reflection on his olive eyes and a sharp contour on his face. </p><p>“okay. i’ll be looking forward to that.” you managed to slip out. </p><p>you waited until he had driven off the street to squat down and groan into your hands. </p><p>-</p><p>from: mother</p><p>- wakatoshi do you still need the recipe i use for hayashi rice? i can send you a picture?</p><p>ushijima stared at the text. if he got the recipe he could send it to you. you’d be able to make it on your own, without his help. maybe you would run into each other at the grocers and exchange a few words about the recipe and whether akio ate all the mushrooms and so on and so forth. but if he didn’t…</p><p>to: mother</p><p>- no thank you, i was able to figure it out.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. climbing waterfalls</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>isn’t weird how your eyes smell? </p><p>your tears have a scent even though they’re pretty much just water. there are tears half-soaked into your pillow cases and you can smell them. you laugh to yourself, pathetically. </p><p>pathetic. three years ago you would’ve berated yourself for behavior like this. you’ve turned off your phone and akio’s playing cars in his room next to yours but the image still rings fresh. well the article had only been published an hour ago but still, you know. the desire to take a picture of your puffed face almost wins but after, what, twenty plus years of being here, alive, you know the image will only send you down an awkward depressing spiral, and you still have to make dinner. </p><p>-</p><p>seventy two hours ago</p><p>“mom.”</p><p>“mommy wake up.”</p><p>you roll over, peeking out from under the covers and squinting at the figure in front of you. </p><p>“it’s too early.” you groan, “go back to sleep baby.”</p><p>akio frowns, his little hands coming up to tug at your sleep shirt. </p><p>“but someone’s at the door.”</p><p>immediately you shoot up, yanking akio into your bed, ignoring the little ‘ouch’ he whined. </p><p>“you. stay here. don’t move, okay?”</p><p>he nods, tugging your sheets over his head.</p><p>“okay mommy.”</p><p>tip-toeing down the hall you say a silent prayer. it could be no one, it might even be the neighbor but there is no way in hell you’re taking a chance on it being some serial killer waiting to take you or akio away. so you grab the baseball bat that sits against the wall of your living room, gripping tightening as you approach the door. </p><p>you really need to invest in one of those door hole things. what do they call them, peepholes?</p><p>cracking the door open you quickly scan the figure in front of you, only to sigh in relief at the familiar face and then quickly close the door again.</p><p>“u-ushijima-san what are you doing here?”</p><p>you groan inwardly at your appearance, bed hair and wrinkled pajamas, how sexy of you. hastily, you push a few stray hairs out of your face and tug your shirt down, hoping to flatten it at least a little bit before your open the door again. </p><p>“this is for you.”</p><p>the bright red gift bag in front of you is a little intimidating, especially with the way ushijima stands so forwardly, training his eyes on your face. </p><p>you don’t have time to process the fact that the man you might soon be in love with (based on previous engagements with said man) is standing at your front door with a gift for you. your brain is still stuck on the fact that your standing in front of him with pjs on. so that’s exactly what you say.</p><p>“sorry about my clothes,” you stutter, “ i wasn’t really expecting any visitors.”</p><p>and now you sound like he’s intruding on your morning. </p><p>“ah, sorry about that. i sent a text and thought about calling you but i didn’t want to seem intrusive.”</p><p>oh. you’ve really dug yourself a hold on this one. </p><p>“akio was actually the one to wake me up, and i freaked myself out a little bit when he told me someone was at the door and i didnt bother to check my phone.”</p><p>“oh.”</p><p>“yeah.”</p><p>you don’t miss the way his eyes travel around your figure.</p><p>“i should probably clear this up but, the gift isn’t actually for you.”</p><p>suddenly every ounce of possibility that the man was interested in you flies out the window.</p><p>“sometimes the merchandising company gives us extra clothes for family members and i thought that akio would like a jersery or tshirt, so, it’s in the bag.”</p><p>and there it goes flying back into your heart. </p><p>“he’ll love it. i’m sure.”</p><p>he gives you a little smile and you cheer on the inside. </p><p>“well, i have to go to morning practice so–”</p><p>“oh! yeah of course, i’ll give this to akio, yeah! sorry go ahead.”</p><p>ushijima gives you a small nod before heading off, and you wave a good-bye to his car. </p><p>you’re terribly in love with this man.</p><p>-</p><p>you hate men. </p><p>“that doesn’t include your husband.”</p><p>misaki gives you a small smile. </p><p>“oh honey,”</p><p>its pity in her voice. there is no reading into it. if you continue like this any longer the stack of midterms on your desk will stay ungraded and the kids will hound you until you’re done. </p><p>“if you want i can make sure that ushijima stays behind to clean up after practice.”</p><p>you snort, “nah, he’d be too dense to realize it was a punishment.”</p><p>at that misaki laughs, “you don’t deserve him you know? you know what, get yourself a - a ,”</p><p>“a what.”</p><p>“i was going to try and say someone on the team but, i really couldn’t think of anyone.”</p><p>“terrible.” you laugh, “terrible.”</p><p>“it’s true though! i’ve snatched the last viable man, what a shame.”</p><p>“poor me.”</p><p>“poor you.”</p><p>sighing for the millionth time you grab a stack of papers and a pen,</p><p>“well, i’ll be here for the next hour till class starts.”</p><p>“and my class starts in two minutes.”</p><p>you say your good byes, promising to grab lunch because she misses akio’s face so, so much. and you get to work.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. grey pillowcases</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>ushijima has done something wrong. he doesn’t know what exactly, but he thinks it has something to do with you because why else would captain hirugami’s wife be glaring at him from the other side of the court. </p><p>he doesn’t know what to do to fix it. he has no idea what he’s done to make her upset anyway, that and the fact that you’ve stopped coming to practice for the last week.</p><p>he’s seen akio though, so maybe that’s a good sign.</p><p>walking out of the court misaki scowls at him.</p><p>or maybe it’s not.</p><p>-</p><p>“oi ushijima! joining us for drinks after practice.”</p><p>he nods, “no thank you.”</p><p> he wants to say, ‘y/n hasn’t been answering my texts and misaki always seems to be mad at me and if i have any chance of seeing her again i need to fix this.’</p><p>but that would be a bit much wouldn’t it. there isn’t anything he can do until he sees you, and considering the fact that two weeks ago he was pretty sure that you would say yes if he asked you out and now he doesn’t even know where you are;</p><p>he has no idea what he’s going to do.</p><p> but he knows your address. and he has your number, which you are, lucky for him, currently ignoring. </p><p>“nah, ushijima’s gotta be home for his girl.”</p><p>had he said anything about his plans out loud?</p><p>“oh yeah! didn’t think you had it in you ushiwaka.”</p><p>“i don’t have a girlfriend.”</p><p>kageyama tilts his head, “you don’t?”</p><p>ushijima doesn’t panic. </p><p>“but i saw the headline? even the girl confirmed it.” hoshiumi finishes. </p><p>ushijima is panicking. </p><p>“no.” he bites, “i would know if i was in a relationship, and i am definitely not in one right now.”</p><p>“don’t lie.” someone spits behind him. he can feel his blood run cold at the sight of misakis face.</p><p>“i’m truly-”</p><p>“pathetic? horrible? yeah, you are. dragging along poor girls while you already have one. does your girlfriend know?”</p><p>and then the headline is shoved in his face,</p><p>hot couple alert! adlers ushijima seen on a romantic shopping spree with up and coming actress ayase rinko! </p><p>– “he’s just such a softie on the inside!” says ayase</p><p>ushijima wakatoshi is going to throw up. </p><p>-</p><p>you have no right to feel sad. he had never asked you out, never explicitly stated anything remarkably close to showing interest in you, you weren’t his nor he yours. </p><p>it’s just another case of : i’m sad because the person i thought was interested in me isn’t and turns out is already with another very very very beautiful woman </p><p>he was just being nice. of course he was. </p><p>then was it all pity? cooking for you, giving your son free merchandise. oh god. you groan into your pillow. you’re past crying, this is anger, hot in your veins and clenched in your fist. had you really been foolish enough to think that he was into you? a single mom who teaches at a university, who has no time for a relationship at all? </p><p>but let’s be real, when he’s not playing volleyball he’s sleeping (probably with the movie actress girlfriend of his!) and when you’re not sleeping you’re taking care of a four year old and teaching like six different bio classes and running labs. </p><p>the numbness of the situation starts in your foot and you can’t bring yourself to shake it out.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. scorching sky</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>generally, ushijima is a patient person. he holds himself to the higher expectation, of, you know “being the bigger person”. but right now, he’s got a practice match ten minutes and if the PR representative doesn’t give him a real answer he might, snap.</p><p>“i just want to know why it’s taking so long.” he says shaking. his calves are tense with anger and his jersey feels hot.</p><p>it’s been three weeks since the god awful headline has been published, and he’s gotten nowhere in regards to taking it down, –yes there’s probably a pr team for this and he might have to buy them all gift baskets after the article blew up on twitter (they took care of it)– but it’s his issue, and now it’s personal.</p><p>“i-i will get this to our editors as soon as possible, thank you, thank you so much for your patience.”</p><p>“good bye.</p><p>“bye!” the voice on the other line squeaks.</p><p>yeah, this is getting nowhere.</p><p>-</p><p>“what is it.”</p><p>misaki turns to her husband, laying casually on the bed in his gym shorts and t-shirt, flipping through the latest Volleyball Monthly magazine. her own brows are unintentionally furrowed, deep in thought, and her husband knows this too well.</p><p>“don’t say it’s nothing,” he sighs lazily, not even looking up from the magazine, “i know you too well.”</p><p>and dammit he does, misaki thinks to herself, scowling. </p><p>“i just had so much hope!” she finally relents, throwing herself over her husbands chest, “there was so much potential! and he threw it all away!”</p><p>“misaki…”</p><p>“it’s not fair.” she grumbles. “she deserved so much, and-”</p><p>quietly, hirugami runs his hand over her head, giving it a few pats before turning her face towards him.</p><p>“what do they say about love? it’s blind right? those two just need a new pair of glasses.” he says contently (a little too proud of his analogy. was it even an analogy?), “you have no control over this you know. they’ve got to figure this whole thing out by themselves.”</p><p>“i’m gonna beat that dumb brick up the next time i see him.”</p><p>“i think your words were enough my dear.” he breathes lightly, “you probably scarred the poor boy.”</p><p>“yeah well, he deserved it.”</p><p>“wasn’t it false though?”</p><p>“he broke her heart!”</p><p>-</p><p>now being slapped in the face with a picture of miya atsumu wasn’t really what you wanted to be greeted with the in morning, but you suppose it could have been much worse. could’ve been another headline, an email from your boss, finding out the possible love your life has another woman  even if it’s false, akio could be throwing up in the bathroom, it’s been weeks and he still hasn’t contacted you… the list goes on. </p><p>so miya atsumu? yeah, not bad.</p><p>“how are you even in my house?”</p><p>grinning, miskaki takes a seat beside you, flattening out the comforter. </p><p>“irrelevant but akio let me in.”</p><p>you sit up to protest, because one, what the hell? and two, you really don’t need another man do you? it’s always been you and akio, akio and you. partners in crime, makers of breakfast and brunch, two peas in a pod.</p><p>“anyway!” misaki interrupts, “let’s get right down to it shall we?”</p><p>“we shouldn’t —-”</p><p>“ah ah!” she shushes, placing a stack of papers on your lap. “i will be making breakfast, you take your time yeah?”</p><p>your eyes don’t leave hers as she walks backwards out of you bedroom.</p><p>-</p><p>you can’t lie to yourself, miya atsumu is very attractive. he’s got a cocky smile, decently sexy sidepart, and according to the stats sheet, a very impressive career as a setter for msby. you won’t tell this to misaki of course, the woman doesn’t need another ego boost, or even more reason to try and set you up with someone else. so instead, </p><p>“he’s got at twin.” you blanch, taking a seat at the dining table. akio’s already half way done with his food, thoroughly engrossed in whatever he’s making (sculpting rather) with his eggs. he’s not really one to play with his food, but today you’ll let it slide.</p><p>to your words misaki only hums, continuing to flip eggs in a pan like she hasn’t just given you a report card of miya atsumu’s life. ignoring her lack of response you grab a plate, sliding on eggs and rice because what else are you supposed to when…</p><p>“oh! you should go get ready, there’s a practice match today around 12.30 and i think it’d be fun if we all went.”</p><p>-</p><p>akio’s crying.</p><p>bolting out of the house, you make your way towards akio’s screeching voice.</p><p>“what is it! what’s wrong?” you pant, shoving the rest of your shirt down.</p><p>“my flower broke! it’s broken now!”</p><p>you pull your son into a hug while he wets your shirt with his tears.</p><p>“oh baby, i’m sorry.”</p><p>-</p><p>“you know when you said practice match i didn’t think it meant a match against the team who’s file you just gave me.”</p><p>again, she only hums in response, her eyes flittering around the gym like she hasn’t been here a million times before.</p><p>“are we even allowed to be here?” you whisper, keeping an eye on the way akio’s skipping ahead, a wonder really, seeing only last week he had tripped over the side walk and vowed never to do it again.</p><p>“theses things are always open to the public, plus we’re special!” she scoffs.</p><p>you might be, you think quietly in your head. the doors loom in front and you can already smell the salon pas and squeaky clean floors ready to be scuffed. it pulls a little too harshly on your heart.</p><p>“mommy come one.” akio says quietly, tugging on your wrist. “i wanna see them warm up.”</p><p>“–err, go with auntie! i’m going to the restroom really quick okay?”</p><p>with a quick nod and a swift turn he runs towards misaki’s outstretched hand, and you can barely hear a “– said she has to go to the bathroom.” before you turn around.</p><p>-</p><p>you haven’t hyped yourself up in front of a bathroom sink since high school. the fact that you have to do this because you might face your “almost but not quite there boyfriend” should tell you about where you are right now in regards to adulting. </p><p>it hurts a little bit. </p><p>today, though, today you’ve got a new glow (new highlighter) and even if you run into him so what! you’re going to be the bigger person, because if he doesn’t have the balls to tell you what actually happened between him and that insultingly hot actress, then, </p><p>then what.</p><p>you run out of words to monologue. </p><p>it might be for the better.</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. red striped carnations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>bathroom doors are a joke. they're either too heavy or too light or you have to touch the handle to leave instead of using your elbows. if you wanted too, you could easily compile a list, yes, it’d be a nice list.</p><p>and at the top, “accidently hit miya atsumu in the face before the game.”</p><p>“i’m so sorry!” you scramble out the door, cringing at the red imprint of the door on the mans’ face. he’s clutching his nose, pinching the bridge just in case any blood comes leaking through.</p><p>“don't worry yer pretty little face over it sweetheart, i can take it.”</p><p>the words aren’t exactly comforting but he’s got a cocky smirk on his face and you know you’ll be fine. you couldn’t even imagine the reparations of being sued by a professional volleyball player. especially this one, he just looks like he’d open a case just to be a pain.</p><p>“i’m glad you’ve trained to take a door to the face.” you quip lightly. it draws a laugh out of him and before you can take a step back he takes a step forward. </p><p>“ atsumu miya.”</p><p>you tentatively shake his outstretched hand.</p><p>“[name]”</p><p>you can see the smirk on his face before the words even come out of his mouth, “pretty name for a pretty lady.”</p><p>you don’t even hide the groan. </p><p>-</p><p>“mommy what took you so long?”</p><p>your son's words snap you out of the dreamy haze you’d been stuck in. after atsumu’s pathetic pick up line, somehow, somehow, he’d managed to squeeze your number out of you. </p><p>“you’re here for the adlers?” he’d gawked. </p><p>you couldn’t say you were here to get over your not-ex-boyfriend and stare at pretty boys on the jackals. you couldn’t say that your friend had handed you his entire playing profile only a few hours ago in an attempt to get you out of bed and it had it worked. </p><p>“my son’s a fan.” you’d added instead, “-- loves kageyama ya know?”</p><p>although the last part wasn’t true anymore, you’d just wanted to see what the setter’s reaction would be. and it was exactly what you had expected.</p><p>he laughed, crossing his arms over his jersey, “i’m sure i’ll be able to change his mind by the end of match.” he challenged.</p><p>“ i don’t know,” you sighed, “he’s really in love with the adlers, has a jersey and everything.”</p><p>he scowled, “we’ll see about that.”</p><p>-</p><p>ushijima’s fingers twitched in rhythm. it was only a practice match but fans had come out to show their support so he needed to perform. there was no game lesser than the other, each game was only training for later tournaments. but with today’s added presence of hinata shoyo, both he and tobio had to be at the top of their game. </p><p>the two of them had decided to pre-game prep together, getting in that unstoppable head space he’d been perfecting for years. </p><p>and it was shattered in a minute. </p><p>he could see you walking down the aisle, making your way toward, misaki and akio? how could he have missed them. his fingers twitched faster, the bright red of akio’s jersey … he was wearing the jersey. </p><p>his heart dropped.</p><p>you were smiling down at akio, smoothing out the sleeves of the jersey. how long had it been since he’s seen you at the gym, since he’d seen you at all? were you stepping back toward him, did that mean he could step forward? for the first time he almost ached for forgiveness, hoping you’d hand it to him. but you hadn’t even looked toward the court. your eyes avoided the players on the court, instead focused on whatever akio was doing. </p><p>not a glance given toward the court.</p><p>“ushijima we’re gonna start spiking practice! get over here!”</p><p>-</p><p>to her credit, misaki was very observant, almost too observant. omniscient almost. you never had to say anything, she just, knew.</p><p>“did something happen in the bathroom.” she whispers over akio’s head, eyes narrowing in your direction. </p><p>there’s no use in lying.</p><p>“the msby setter has my number.”</p><p>maybe she’s not omniscient.</p><p>“what. you, the msby setter has what.”</p><p>“my number.”</p><p>“i’m gonna strangle you.” she chokes out. when you look over her mouth looks numb, and her eyebrows have fallen, “i’m literally going to choke you out.”</p><p>you resist the urge to laugh, “if i die before the game ends will you tell atsumu that technically it’s a draw since i wasn’t there to see what happened.”</p><p>“a draw? how much time did you spend in the bathroom?”</p><p>“ah no.” you blunt, “i hit him with the bathroom door.”</p><p>“i’m going to hand you over to death.”</p><p>“---he told me that he’d be akio’s favorite setter by the time the match was over.”</p><p>she gives you an eyebrow, </p><p>“if he did manage to get akio to choose him, he’d take me out for coffee or whatever.  but if akio doesn’t, then i take my number back and he can’t contact me anymore.”</p><p>“i hate you.” she spits through her teeth, “ i actually hate you. how does this even happen to you.”</p><p>you smile.</p><p>“ah, let’s just watch the match for now.”</p><p>-</p><p>msby’s setter is on fire, in the zone, top of his game, however they describe it these days. it’s not even the second set but ushijima can see the frustration on his teammates face. </p><p>“what the hell is up with miya.” hoshiumi pants behind him. kageyama practically growls --no, he does-- and clenches his fists.</p><p>“this is getting annoying.”</p><p>on the other side of the net he can see hinata and bokuto talking eagerly to the grinning setter. </p><p>“omiomi! what’d you eat for breakfast today huh? what’s got you so good all of a sudden.”</p><p>miya scowls, “i’ve always been good! but i’ve gotta little bet goin on with this girl i met.”</p><p>out of the corner of his eye he can see kageyama squinting forward, as if it it’ll help him hear the conversation better.</p><p>“told ‘er that if i could become her son’s favorite setter she’d have to let me take ‘er out on a date.”</p><p>he doesn’t even recognize the situation, maybe he should’ve realized it faster. maybe it would’ve prepared him better for the next words that came rushing out of his mouth.</p><p>“oh i think you can see ‘em up in the stands, the kid’s wearin an adlers jersey.”</p><p>-</p><p>he didn’t understand heartbreak. he never understood why tendou cried over all those romance movies when the couple didn’t end up together. if someone didn’t want you was it that hard to ignore? to get over? </p><p>in 23 years nothing has ever broken his heart, his iron heart wrapped in layers of gold. merciless, tendou had called him. devoid of feelings. ‘is there anything in that heart of yours?” his grandmother had asked him once.</p><p>there must be something, it only took 17 words for it to shatter.</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. wax in gold</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>he wonders if atsumu makes you happy. he wonders if atsumu makes you dinner every night, or if he tucks akio in to bed when you’re too tired.</p><p>if atsumu holds akio close like he once did.</p><p>was he so foolish as to let you slip by so easily? all he had to do was talk, TALK. all he had to do was hold a handful of courage, to take one step.</p><p>but he supposes, atsumu was already running.</p><p>atsumu miya didn’t wait, didn’t stay silent, watching and waiting and letting scandals erupt.</p><p>atsumu didn’t wait a year to ask you to dinner.</p><p>if he had, maybe there would’ve still been a chance.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>“i can’t believe that was how you started dating.”</p><p>atsumu’s grinning, a wide smile you’ve grown to love over these past months. a smile you’ll never get over. a smile he saves for this specific story.</p><p>the story where you almost break his nose and he bets on his own talent.</p><p>a bet he wins.</p><p>you sit back into his arms, sighing, “i can’t believe i said yes.”</p><p>a laugh runs around the table, misaki and her husband on one end and osamu on the other. akio sits neatly between you and atsumu, chubby hands gripping your boyfriends fingers.</p><p>only a day earlier those same fingers had been trying to teach your poor son how to shape onigiri like his uncle. somehow akio’s had turned out better than atsumu’s but you gave him a kiss for his troubles and atsumu had declared himself the true winner.</p><p>“better than your uncle!” atsumu had boasted, rice still stuck on his face.</p><p>akio calls osamu ‘uncle’ now.</p><p>it sends rushes to your fragile little heart.</p><p>he sends rushes to your fragile little heart.</p><p>if you could bottle up one moment, if you could hold a moment of emotions in your hands it would be this one.</p><p>there’s never been any questions with him,</p><p>no hidden clauses or skeletons.</p><p>there’s been arguments but there’s been making up</p><p>(and you love making up).</p><p>and then there’s akio. perfectly placed in middle, sitting in atsumu’s lap ; eyes glistening as he talks. gods your heart aches.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>he doesn’t think he’ll fall out of love with you, not until someone can explain how he fell in love so quickly without noticing it. not until someone can explain how you’ve left so many little dents in his heart. you didn’t even date; he didn’t kiss you once and yet here he is, on a plane out of the country.</p><p>because he couldn’t handle not being able to love you. because he couldn’t bring himself to ask how akio’s flowers had been doing since he’d last seen him.</p><p>because love made him a coward.</p><p>;</p><p>to him, being in love had been the most daring thing he’d done.</p><p>and he’d do it all over again, for you.</p>
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